ihearthaitians

Me: Next time either tell me about your girls from the beginning or not at all.

Asshole: Im not sleeping with or interested in anyone...sometimes I need to go out and the guys here are dumb rednecks...sorry.

Me: I just don't like hearing about them after the fact. I thought we were more open than that.

Asshole: I didnt think it deserved much dialog.


I am annoyed..........

It's 5:30 in the morning. and I'm awake. What the fuck? When did this become ok? Anyway. I am halfway through EMT school and while I still don't like it, it is a little better. Or I just party enough when I'm away from it that I don't care as much that it sucks. I'm not sure which one. I am going on a date tomorrow night that I don't really want to go on. He's a nice guy but I'm not really interested. I did meet a different guy tonight that I actually had a good time talking to but he lives in Tampa so that's never going to happen. Pretty much I'm just an idiot. I miss everyone alot. I have separated myself from a lot of people lately. I don't think they would approve of where my life is at right now and I would rather just not talk to them than explain why I am the way that I am right now. Hopefully they will forgive me when I am ready to come back to them. OK, that's enough rambling for now. Night.

yeah that date thing. I think I should just never do that again. I'm thinkin single for the rest of my life is probably the best idea. I can get in vitro to have kids right?

Things have been sucky lately. EMT school sucks. Not only is the schedule more demanding than any I ever had in college, but I am BORED. I don't like the material, I just don't like any of it. And I hurt my back and it's not getting any better with all the moving bodies around thing happening.

On a better note, I went on a date last night and had a great time. I went over to his house and he cooked me dinner and we watched a movie and I had so much fun. We'll see if a second date happens. Obviously I'm not going to get into anything serious, I mean I am moving in a month or so. But still, it's nice. The only weird thing is, he's a paramedic student. So everyone knows my business (including stalker ex who was cool for a while but starting hitting on me again this weekend).

I need a nap.

The past week has been crazy.

Friday- good friend in town, went out and ate, drank, flirted, made promises I broke a few days later, kissed, generally had a good time.

Saturday- drove to Jax for my Grandfathers 87th birthday, celebrated at a fundraiser at the zoo, hung out with a bunch of stuck up rich white people, drank.

Sunday- went canoeing and fishing and drinking out on the water, went to a friends house for a birthday dinner, drank, had the best mashed potatoes of my life, cuddled all night.

Monday- studied, a great friend came into town so I went out with him, my sister, and a friend of his, drank, hung out with a famous person and some not so famous people, broke that promise I made Friday night by trying something I promised I would never try.

Tuesday- studied, hung out backstage drinking with my sister while my friend set up, saw a concert, cuddled all night and shared a few kisses.

Wednesday- drove back home, studied, fell asleep at 830, woke up, studied, slept some more.

Thursday- woke up, took an exam, studied, drove to Tampa, hung out backstage again, drank, saw the concert again, hooked a friend up with some awesome seats, got more free shit than ever before in my life, was given The Godfather DVD collection for graduation, was given a teddy bear.

Today- woke up, exhausted, drove back home, studied all day.

Tomorrow- studying again, watching James Bond with a hot asian I hope to make out with.

next week- thursday- final exam of my college career, drinking, party, painting the wall, more drinking, dancing, flirting
friday- cinco de mayo, going home, drinking
saturday- party time, drinking, going out, seeing a ton of people I miss and love dearly, missing a ton of people who should be there but cant
sunday or monday- driving to atlanta to hang out

i could go on but you get the idea.

I lie in bed, alone, and strain
my ears to hear the sounds
of rain pounding over my roof
while crushing thunder
echos through the windows and into
my heart soaking the earth around me

and instead I hear only the slightest
whistle of the wind as it presses through trees
separating its fingers
as if it wants to hold its hand
but is too timid and so moves on.

I made a resolution (not a New Year's one but a mid-March one) that I was going to read 20 books this year. Which then got changed to 25 and now I am wondering if I should up it again. My only fear of that being that I will tell someone my new number and then not reach said number and feel like an idiot, which I hate for many reasons. Mainly because feeling like an idiot it not pleasureable. I have read six already including A Million Little Pieces (which I read in one day thanks to LaGuardia and Delta and a massively delayed flight and also have very strong feelings about [regarding anyone stupid enough {OPRAH} to believe while reading it that everything {or most things really} that he writes about are 100% true]), Franny and Zooey, The Celestine Prophecy, On the Road, Three Weeks with My Brother by that Nicholas Sparks character but is not one of those sappy Mandy Moore stories, and most recently Everything is Illuminated. All of this was brought on by the rediscovery of a list that Ms. Jones (who incidentally DID NOT recognize me at the Alumni show) gave out my Junior year of high school which was the New York Times Top 100 books of the 20th century (compiled around 1998 I believe and lacking any books that arent British or American as well as quite a few books I think are deserving of NYT's attention). I was saddened and disgusted and quite embarrassed at the number of books I had read on that list. Approximately four. FOUR. Which I realize is probably more than most Americans but I try not to be like most Americans. So I decided that in my quest to read 25 books this year, every other book that I read is going to be one on the list (hence On the Road). I guess the purpose of this entry was to ask if anyone has any any suggestions, opinions, what not about books they have enjoyed and preferably learned from as I have read enough "fluff" novels (as my mother, an english major, calls them) already in my life.

Also, I ate about a half a stick of butter today. I swear bread was invented so people wouldn't look stupid eating a rectangular yellowish block of lard. YUMMMMM!

I'm home from the punk rock show I went to with my strange cousin and her boyfriend. And you know me, am I a punk girl? No. Did I have fun? HELL YEAH! Why? Because it was a live band (which I almost automatically love) and I was with my strange cousin and her boyfriend. I realized that I guess I am strange too because we have a lot in common (minus that part where she has a two year old and I haven't had sex in.....wait that's a different and ULFTRA deprefssing/ frusterfated entry). She is one of those people that I can not talk to/see for years and when we do, it's like no time passed at all. Which I love. Referencing an earlier entry, I wouldnt go as far as to say she is a soulmate but definitely a soulfriend. ANYWAY, her boyfriend is awesome, for her. And I literally would take up a fund to keep them together. He is open, and loving, and loves her son, and goes out of his way to make her happy, and honestly adores her and I can only hope that she sees how good he is for her. And it makes me realize how single I am. How I shouldn't settle like I always have but how I want to just to not be so lonely. Wow, that turned depressing and pitiful WAY too quickly. Going to sleep now. Love you.

I hate that look that he gives me when I say something.....liberal and then replies with something...ignorant.

I discovered tody that you think of me. Not as the person who is so unlike any other, as you have made me believe more times than all the minutes I thought of you. But rather as a person the same as all the rest. That you think of all of us as the same, weak and vulnerable and useable. And you tried your hardest to convince us, or maybe yourself, that we were incomparable. Which would be a noble thing if you had done it for our benefit, or even just not for your own. But I also discovered that you decided to use this gift of feigned rarity to get what you want out of us. Which also would not be so bad, I guess, if I had not found out and had my heart torn to pieces. But I did find out. And now, I just try not to wish upon you what you have lavished on us..... that one day, you will find a girl, and she will be the singular exception to your rule. And she will find you ordinary.